Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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