ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
