I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
