Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
