I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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