He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
