Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize