return my video game
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
