You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
