he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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