i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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