Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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