your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
