every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
