I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
