o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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