I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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