She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize