how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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