How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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