I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
