i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
