The maid of honor just puked.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You are a genius and a whore.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
