this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
