I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
