gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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