how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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