Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
