I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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