I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
