did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
