My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize