Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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