ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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