why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
