I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
