So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She's just so happy...and so naked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
