Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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