Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
