Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
