Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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