I feel like abortions should bother me more
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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