I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
