Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
