My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish life had little blips of pornography
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
