I am puke
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
