i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
