Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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