He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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