She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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