Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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