How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
