In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
