how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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