Redeem this text for a blowjob
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize