you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
