and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
