Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize