Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
