He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
