whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
