The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
