Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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