Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
