she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You made out with two different species that night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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