I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
