i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
