We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
