she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
