I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
