Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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