I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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