You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
