I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
