I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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