The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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