How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
