No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
