u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
