I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
