i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize