All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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