he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize