he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
