And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
