I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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