An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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