dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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