do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
