Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
