so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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