I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
