I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
