i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
