Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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