You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
