I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
