To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
